The scariest feeling a blank paper has on me is that its ability to make me face my deepest thoughts, my fears and my doubts. its as good as being naked. and i absolutely hate this vulnerable feeling.
5 years journey is going to end. now suddenly towards the end, other people are begining to address me as doctor. its a surreal feeling. suddenly this doctor pretending business is about to get serious. i can feel the heavy weight on my shoulder already. part of me at times want to hide inside this protective shell of mine, called the medical school.
the workplace system is currently unfavourable, any delay from moving ahead is going to be a setback for me. slowly the demotivating messages i received before begining medical school is turning into reality.i truly wonder if my fragile soul can survive housemanship.
Melaka had been a bittersweet start. the 4 walls of this room has witnessed my many failing moments. I am begining to feel saddened as the days of bidding adieu is creeping up on me day by day. Anticipatory grief they call it. I know i am having one off and on. Friends whom ive loved, hated, annoyed, wished dead, etc are soon to be mashed apart into 13 different states soon. I used to be better in moving on, forming superficial relationships. i wonder again how did i breezed through those times in spm and a levels.
I am like a sea farer, out on the sea too long. always yearning to sail to freedom, yet feeling seasick at the same time. contradictory isnt it?
5 years journey is going to end. now suddenly towards the end, other people are begining to address me as doctor. its a surreal feeling. suddenly this doctor pretending business is about to get serious. i can feel the heavy weight on my shoulder already. part of me at times want to hide inside this protective shell of mine, called the medical school.
the workplace system is currently unfavourable, any delay from moving ahead is going to be a setback for me. slowly the demotivating messages i received before begining medical school is turning into reality.i truly wonder if my fragile soul can survive housemanship.
Melaka had been a bittersweet start. the 4 walls of this room has witnessed my many failing moments. I am begining to feel saddened as the days of bidding adieu is creeping up on me day by day. Anticipatory grief they call it. I know i am having one off and on. Friends whom ive loved, hated, annoyed, wished dead, etc are soon to be mashed apart into 13 different states soon. I used to be better in moving on, forming superficial relationships. i wonder again how did i breezed through those times in spm and a levels.
I am like a sea farer, out on the sea too long. always yearning to sail to freedom, yet feeling seasick at the same time. contradictory isnt it?
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