there is something in this place that i cant pin point exactly what it is.
its in this place i am reflecting again on my past.
i think i understand now how the events unfolded.
i think there was loneliness. there was an emptiness. this transition period highlighted the issue to me. maybe i am slower in reaching this state but definately i am in the phase now. far away from home and alone i can now see it clearly.
its hard to make friends. friends whereby you can joke around. friends who can understand you and not judge. the ones who can tell u directly good or bad.
those close friendships. get out of uni and dive into the workforce. there it is.
the professional label makes the disparity larger. its true what they say about depression. this is depression in the making.
what i was couple of years back was a reflection. a reflection that had brought to the starting of a close friendship. what did she saw in me was what i am experiencing as her now. what i was previously was a mirror of herself younger.
whatever happened next is history now.
the fact is these are the things that drove things to begin with.
it also tells me now that she realised this earlier than me. i believe it now because my friend had said maybe she realised her mistake.
this is a moment whereby i scream eureka. this is also the moment i want to scream why am i so stupid.
maybe this is why they say generation gap.
whatever i did previously was just a distraction. i created a hiatus to numb things. to prolong things. symptomatic treatment but it didnt address the root cause. now when i see things this way i now can understand. by understanding i can make peace with it.
i wont lie by saying it isnt painful to analyse things and be true about what i feel.
it brings tears to my eyes. it brings back the pain i feel deep in my heart.
someday i have faith i wont feel all this anymore. someday i wish to finally say its over and smile. smile because i knew one person whom i can only remember the happy times.
its in this place i am reflecting again on my past.
i think i understand now how the events unfolded.
i think there was loneliness. there was an emptiness. this transition period highlighted the issue to me. maybe i am slower in reaching this state but definately i am in the phase now. far away from home and alone i can now see it clearly.
its hard to make friends. friends whereby you can joke around. friends who can understand you and not judge. the ones who can tell u directly good or bad.
those close friendships. get out of uni and dive into the workforce. there it is.
the professional label makes the disparity larger. its true what they say about depression. this is depression in the making.
what i was couple of years back was a reflection. a reflection that had brought to the starting of a close friendship. what did she saw in me was what i am experiencing as her now. what i was previously was a mirror of herself younger.
whatever happened next is history now.
the fact is these are the things that drove things to begin with.
it also tells me now that she realised this earlier than me. i believe it now because my friend had said maybe she realised her mistake.
this is a moment whereby i scream eureka. this is also the moment i want to scream why am i so stupid.
maybe this is why they say generation gap.
whatever i did previously was just a distraction. i created a hiatus to numb things. to prolong things. symptomatic treatment but it didnt address the root cause. now when i see things this way i now can understand. by understanding i can make peace with it.
i wont lie by saying it isnt painful to analyse things and be true about what i feel.
it brings tears to my eyes. it brings back the pain i feel deep in my heart.
someday i have faith i wont feel all this anymore. someday i wish to finally say its over and smile. smile because i knew one person whom i can only remember the happy times.
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