There is a sentence in the medical textbook that i remember clearly now because i can relate to it personally. it says 'no joint is more perfect than the ones given by god'.
Looking back, i did not know where did my courage to sign my first operation consent. I have a feeling it wasnt courage but more of naiivity. As much as i understood the whole process of the operation, the risks and complications, anesthesia complication, and all that medical jargon, i didnt understood what patients normally understood until i went through post op. I spend 24 hours after signing the consent panicking if im doing the right thing and wondering if i would die from the op. I also debated in my head the pros and cons. I signed the consent and then informed my parents while hiding the fact i was panicking. i was their medical kid afterall.
the doctor is a calm bloke. he gave me all my options and let me decide. he has that soothing aura and i am glad he listens to whatever issues i told him. i did hinted to him im in the same field as him but im not sure if he believes me. nevertheless i am thankful that i met him.
inside the operation threatre, everything seems familiar. the whole procedure is familiar to me. i just changed into the ot gown, gave my hand to have the brannula inserted, gave my arm for bp to be recorded. basically i just followed every instruction like an obedient puppy. the anesthesia guy was very accomodating, he delivered pearls of wisdom in medicine to me, joked around to ease my apprehensive mood, taught me lumbar puncture while inserting the spinal needle into my spine.
it took an extra long spinal needle to do the job. the multiple pricks that i endured made me think im never ever going to give birth. it was a difficult process to insert the needle, even i could sense the tension from the anesthetist and the nurse. he remarked later that everything turns difficult whenever someone in the medical fraternity is the patient..
i have to say morphine gave me the feeling i was floating in the air. the sedative made me feel like ive drank a few shots. it was all pleasant. the only feeling i hated was when my legs become numb. its a scary moment because at that point i finally realised how a paralysed person felt.
ive heard stories about how anesthesia let u meet god. i had high hopes of meeting god but it didnt happen. there was no dreams either. i didnt even realise when i dozed off.
i open my eyes and heard everyone in the op threatre talking,the faint background music, and the anesthetist asking me if im alright to which i made an ok sign. he later in pulled the surgical cloth away so i could see the screen. i saw my own operation.
then it was all done, the doctor muttered updates to me and then i was in the post op bay. i still couldnt feel a thing below waist.
they gave me pethidine in the ward. i wasnt allowed to get down the bed so i had to peed in the bed pan. my first experience again. i puked so much post op. my head spinning. my moms presence is comforting. whatever brave thought i had about being able to take care of myself vanished. i was an idiot to think i could be independent after operation.
the next few days was torment. the pain was intense despite eating painkillers. it was pain that woke me from sleep,robbed me of sleep. i was depressed because i am dependent on so many people, i was in pain and i start to get a glimpse on the road of recovery which isnt going to be easy. my limb were so swollen its 3 times its original size. i was bed bound. sponging replaced bathing. peeing was on a bedpan. so many people saw me naked that i lost count. i was grateful to those student nurses who helped clean me up.
the physiotherapist came on the 3rd post op day. i took an instant liking towards the physiotherapist. dressed in polo shirt,formal pants and sports shoe,she was encouraging. whatever hopes i had on being mobile were dashed. there was so much pain that it was only going to be on bed exercises. i spent many times staring at my limbs, my brain commanding it but it failed to move. not a flicker of movement. not a jerk seen. the image of my healthy limb stared back at me. it was depressing.
now i am slowly adjusting to life of an invalid.
i go out in public and i catch people staring at my limb. i pretend that i dont see them staring, i make a smile. i say more thank you now whenever strangers hold the lift, open the door, clear the path. i see so many acts of random kindness these days. i also see ignorant people who discriminate handicap people like me. in short, i have now seen 2 sides of a coin of life.
doctor turned patient i am now.
and guess where it leaves me, a highly educated patient. one where potential lawsuits can come from.
merry christmas!
Looking back, i did not know where did my courage to sign my first operation consent. I have a feeling it wasnt courage but more of naiivity. As much as i understood the whole process of the operation, the risks and complications, anesthesia complication, and all that medical jargon, i didnt understood what patients normally understood until i went through post op. I spend 24 hours after signing the consent panicking if im doing the right thing and wondering if i would die from the op. I also debated in my head the pros and cons. I signed the consent and then informed my parents while hiding the fact i was panicking. i was their medical kid afterall.
the doctor is a calm bloke. he gave me all my options and let me decide. he has that soothing aura and i am glad he listens to whatever issues i told him. i did hinted to him im in the same field as him but im not sure if he believes me. nevertheless i am thankful that i met him.
inside the operation threatre, everything seems familiar. the whole procedure is familiar to me. i just changed into the ot gown, gave my hand to have the brannula inserted, gave my arm for bp to be recorded. basically i just followed every instruction like an obedient puppy. the anesthesia guy was very accomodating, he delivered pearls of wisdom in medicine to me, joked around to ease my apprehensive mood, taught me lumbar puncture while inserting the spinal needle into my spine.
it took an extra long spinal needle to do the job. the multiple pricks that i endured made me think im never ever going to give birth. it was a difficult process to insert the needle, even i could sense the tension from the anesthetist and the nurse. he remarked later that everything turns difficult whenever someone in the medical fraternity is the patient..
i have to say morphine gave me the feeling i was floating in the air. the sedative made me feel like ive drank a few shots. it was all pleasant. the only feeling i hated was when my legs become numb. its a scary moment because at that point i finally realised how a paralysed person felt.
ive heard stories about how anesthesia let u meet god. i had high hopes of meeting god but it didnt happen. there was no dreams either. i didnt even realise when i dozed off.
i open my eyes and heard everyone in the op threatre talking,the faint background music, and the anesthetist asking me if im alright to which i made an ok sign. he later in pulled the surgical cloth away so i could see the screen. i saw my own operation.
then it was all done, the doctor muttered updates to me and then i was in the post op bay. i still couldnt feel a thing below waist.
they gave me pethidine in the ward. i wasnt allowed to get down the bed so i had to peed in the bed pan. my first experience again. i puked so much post op. my head spinning. my moms presence is comforting. whatever brave thought i had about being able to take care of myself vanished. i was an idiot to think i could be independent after operation.
the next few days was torment. the pain was intense despite eating painkillers. it was pain that woke me from sleep,robbed me of sleep. i was depressed because i am dependent on so many people, i was in pain and i start to get a glimpse on the road of recovery which isnt going to be easy. my limb were so swollen its 3 times its original size. i was bed bound. sponging replaced bathing. peeing was on a bedpan. so many people saw me naked that i lost count. i was grateful to those student nurses who helped clean me up.
the physiotherapist came on the 3rd post op day. i took an instant liking towards the physiotherapist. dressed in polo shirt,formal pants and sports shoe,she was encouraging. whatever hopes i had on being mobile were dashed. there was so much pain that it was only going to be on bed exercises. i spent many times staring at my limbs, my brain commanding it but it failed to move. not a flicker of movement. not a jerk seen. the image of my healthy limb stared back at me. it was depressing.
now i am slowly adjusting to life of an invalid.
i go out in public and i catch people staring at my limb. i pretend that i dont see them staring, i make a smile. i say more thank you now whenever strangers hold the lift, open the door, clear the path. i see so many acts of random kindness these days. i also see ignorant people who discriminate handicap people like me. in short, i have now seen 2 sides of a coin of life.
doctor turned patient i am now.
and guess where it leaves me, a highly educated patient. one where potential lawsuits can come from.
merry christmas!
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