Dilemma

Its approaching year end again. almost that season for reflections. 

It scares me a little that my life is smooth sailing so far. Whenever i pause to reflect on it anxiety creeps up on me. I wonder when is the next downfall coming. I have been wondering about X. how apart and different our lives has become. In a way we both are better and happier i supposed. I cant stop feeling how different time can make things become. cant stop wondering what if i had known what i know now before. how different things would turn out. I am sometimes lost in my mind tunnels. its pointless spectaculating things anyways. i cannot change the past. i tried to change the past. fought the past. in the end, i was the one who got hurt more.

This reflection thing started because i sense i am fascinated with a particular character. and it frustrates me that this character is an odd ball. Also because of some statement this character told me. It just begun when i analysed those statements. 

It scares the shit out of me now because i am damn worried this X thing will repeat itself.

Sometimes i wonder to myself too where the heck is the rest of the population who can interest me with nice awesome conversations. i wonder too if the problem lies with me.

i am going to let time work its magic.

what  i learnt the hard way was not to be impulsive.

now i gotta restrain my curiosity. 

curiosity killed the cat. and i dont wanna be that cat.