A hiatus moment

Theres nothing much going on in my own life so far.

There had been many plans made previously but one or another they got delayed. Its always easier said than done. Thinking back i think i was like a bull who kept charging when it sees red. there was no proper planning or backup plans. 

Graduation was exciting until the months of inactivity came. routine mundane work is not my strongest point. sometimes i have a sense of disbelief that its the same situation im in when i finished high school. karma is such a bitch.

The goverment has alot of reform ideas but none that can solve the oversupply of medics. Ive attended a few talks by the ministry, just to have an idea on how realistic things are. to be honest, the biggest set back for all of us is money. however big our aspirations were, whatever grand plans we had, it all boils down to money.

i never thought i will say this but theres nothing medically we can do that can generate income. till now i have understood why so many people go into finance, accounting and marketing. reality is whenever i try searching for jobs these are the fields with the most number of jobs. 

its always a dilemma to me, as to find a job to earn money or get a medically related job. truth is, even a clinic nurse job requires experience which i do not have at the moment.

the next question is usually how long am i able to commit. i find this question a real deal breaker. till this date i dont know exactly how long i have to wait. from the moment i got the temporary registration number i had been waiting. days flew by, months went by and i was still waiting. the surge of happiness came when i received an email stating for me to attend an interview. after the interview its back to waiting again. 

this is the kind of uncertainty that makes it difficult to get a job unless its sales job. heck if i was interested in non medical stuff i wouldnt even spend 5 years of life studying hard.

there comes a time when someone put ideas into your head about building your resume. resume, a piece of paper whereby you write your acheivements (real or fake). volunteering is an excellent resume builder someone told me. sure, i got inspired and i filled up forms and wrote emails. i had replies but it isnt that kind of volunteering that every medic dreams of. the idea of saving lifes in red cross camps, the situation whereby your the sole medic and life hangs by you. no, it doesnt happen that way. with zero experience, ive come to realised that medic or non medic, mbbs doesnt carry weighage. you are as good as a non medic. 

most volunteering organisations require people that could volunteer for a long period. im afraid i am not a good choice because of the spontaneity of the situation i am in. 

sometimes i feel like saying screw this but i ended up sucking up my ego and doing however tiny bits of volunteering i can. the idea is that everyone starts at the bottom. 

i know i am not the only one out there who feels frustrated. i am indeed lucky that i still have my parents as my financial pillar. being ingrained with the asian virtue about respecting parents, there are times whereby i felt i was a useless child. at the age of 26, i was supposed to be independent. 5 years of education, supported by my parents, in the eyes of society i was supposed to be taking care of them but its not happening. sometimes i think i can understand those cynical comments about how medical education is not worth it. 

till then, im going to try stay afloat of these hard times. the negativity of all this isnt doing anyone any good. i tend to think of these hard times as a true test towards the medical passion and a test of our characters as well. the character of steel was made with preserverance and thus i will try to preservere as well.