While clearing my stuff i came across a diary i wrote last year when i was emotionally wrecked. off and on there is a page about X. how i feel about writing,how those blank pages incapacitated me. Now i know its never the blank pages making feel naked and vulnerable. all along it was me, i chose to run away and not be frank with myself. the words i wrote were a reflection of how bad in shape i was. I didnt want to face it because of the pain. Only when i learn that it keeps haunting me when i dont face it did i understood.
i flipped through it, surprisingly i feel calm. its like flipping through someone elses story.
Honestly whatever its written, it seems pretty insignificant. seems like a year ago i was already writing words of letting go.
2 quotes in the diary caught my attention.
and there was a page whereby i wrote i studied the wrong topics for theory paper. i did the same mistake this year as well. i read the important clinical topics and neglected the important ones for theory. twice and i did same mistake.
exactly last year too i wrote my travels to indoneisia, i wonder for what. then i wrote about the tense fear for p2s1.
i quoted alot from song lyrics. no wonder those few songs bring a sense of familarity to me when i listened to them.
i got bored, flipped the diary, tore off the pages and threw it inside the bin.
if theres one thing i want to do, it is not to bring the past into the future. i hadnt wrapped up manipal chapter properly last time. now i am happy these past few days i get to spend time with people who shared my 5 years journey with me. enjoying the last moments of packing and just sit in this room.
i will do this right this time.
if there is one thing i learnt this time, it would be to pick the eggs and not the shit.
i flipped through it, surprisingly i feel calm. its like flipping through someone elses story.
Honestly whatever its written, it seems pretty insignificant. seems like a year ago i was already writing words of letting go.
2 quotes in the diary caught my attention.
and there was a page whereby i wrote i studied the wrong topics for theory paper. i did the same mistake this year as well. i read the important clinical topics and neglected the important ones for theory. twice and i did same mistake.
exactly last year too i wrote my travels to indoneisia, i wonder for what. then i wrote about the tense fear for p2s1.
i quoted alot from song lyrics. no wonder those few songs bring a sense of familarity to me when i listened to them.
i got bored, flipped the diary, tore off the pages and threw it inside the bin.
if theres one thing i want to do, it is not to bring the past into the future. i hadnt wrapped up manipal chapter properly last time. now i am happy these past few days i get to spend time with people who shared my 5 years journey with me. enjoying the last moments of packing and just sit in this room.
i will do this right this time.
if there is one thing i learnt this time, it would be to pick the eggs and not the shit.
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