All this while i have been looking at the wrong direction. partly because i had been taking advices literally.
i had thought time will fade my sorrows away. in between waiting for time to act, i found anger. i was angry at why i was miserable and stuck here and being forgotten.
and then i realised i had to let go because holding on hurts me more. letting go to me was just forgetting it, and just walk away.
what i had done wrong was i failed to acknowledge that i cannot change what has already occured. all this while i had been trying to fix things, to mend things and perhaps fantasize about forcing things to go my way.
what i now know that since this fall out with X i have learnt more about myself. i have found out my own weaknesses,and with it i found some dhamma teachings. this has to occur, i am growing and this is one of the things that i have to learnt in life.
i spent many months stuck in a rut, my brain is my worse enemy and convinced i couldnt snap out of it. its with this personal issue i can relate well to psychiatry. i can probably understand why mental illness is a torture, u get stuck in ur own thoughts, stuck in those mind blocks and no one seem to understand nor can they reach u.
it is for this reason i am very much fascinated by the mind and its powers.
i miss X dearly at times.
i miss the times we had. the jokes and the little things we do for each other.
but then if it didnt end, death will part us as well no?
Prolly after losing X i am now a little enlightened.
i wasnt kidding about renouncing the world by becoming a nun. many a times i mentioned it to my friends who laugh at my casual mentioning.
i still think of it, when i have a chance later in life.
i now understand alittle why most great doctors are god fearing religion loving peace seeking people. in medicine wisdom comes with experience but to practice medicine one needs compassion. who else can teach compassion better than religion? those philosophies and wise stories..
and this is why instead of saying prayers by asking god for a,b, c,etc i now only ask one thing. that is please guide me.
:)
i had thought time will fade my sorrows away. in between waiting for time to act, i found anger. i was angry at why i was miserable and stuck here and being forgotten.
and then i realised i had to let go because holding on hurts me more. letting go to me was just forgetting it, and just walk away.
what i had done wrong was i failed to acknowledge that i cannot change what has already occured. all this while i had been trying to fix things, to mend things and perhaps fantasize about forcing things to go my way.
what i now know that since this fall out with X i have learnt more about myself. i have found out my own weaknesses,and with it i found some dhamma teachings. this has to occur, i am growing and this is one of the things that i have to learnt in life.
i spent many months stuck in a rut, my brain is my worse enemy and convinced i couldnt snap out of it. its with this personal issue i can relate well to psychiatry. i can probably understand why mental illness is a torture, u get stuck in ur own thoughts, stuck in those mind blocks and no one seem to understand nor can they reach u.
it is for this reason i am very much fascinated by the mind and its powers.
i miss X dearly at times.
i miss the times we had. the jokes and the little things we do for each other.
but then if it didnt end, death will part us as well no?
Prolly after losing X i am now a little enlightened.
i wasnt kidding about renouncing the world by becoming a nun. many a times i mentioned it to my friends who laugh at my casual mentioning.
i still think of it, when i have a chance later in life.
i now understand alittle why most great doctors are god fearing religion loving peace seeking people. in medicine wisdom comes with experience but to practice medicine one needs compassion. who else can teach compassion better than religion? those philosophies and wise stories..
and this is why instead of saying prayers by asking god for a,b, c,etc i now only ask one thing. that is please guide me.
:)
No comments:
Post a Comment