These past few days i can sense that i miss X alot.
that feeling that comes deep down my heart when i remembered memories of X in it. the good and the bad memories.
the urge to suddenly tell X something random only X isnt here.
i cant bring myself to write another email to X because i am sure X doesnt read my mails. i dont have the heart to send it because i know X is happy and i want to keep it that way. Isnt this what i wanted last time, to see X moved on in life and be happy.
Why i feel X is the closest person to me is because ive took off all barriers of myself and let X know the real me. the flaws in me as well. i have taken off all the protective walls ive built and that is why i feel so much of pain. Do i regret it? no because that is how true relationships should be. just because im afraid of getting burn doesnt mean i should avoid the fire completely.
it frustrates me sometimes that certain friends dont understand what i try to tell them. in a way, i realised what C actually told me was true, it shows the wisdom C has because of her age. i didnt tell C the latest feelings i have. C doesnt need this extra unnecessary burden and i dont want C to scream at me. sometimes i feel C is able to read my mind without me saying. i value C alot, like family now.
after this exam business i really want to get all this emotions sorted out. i need a retreat for myself. some time off, do things i wanna do, run off for an adventure. i need to recharge myself. i still feel annoyed that my parents hadnt understood my need to recharge myself during the middle of the year. but then whats the use of those frustrations now?
when i write i hear my own thoughts. though its not as good as what i used to be able to write but it helps me vent. its a lot of emo stuff up there. it can only get better now.
one tiny step a day no.
that feeling that comes deep down my heart when i remembered memories of X in it. the good and the bad memories.
the urge to suddenly tell X something random only X isnt here.
i cant bring myself to write another email to X because i am sure X doesnt read my mails. i dont have the heart to send it because i know X is happy and i want to keep it that way. Isnt this what i wanted last time, to see X moved on in life and be happy.
Why i feel X is the closest person to me is because ive took off all barriers of myself and let X know the real me. the flaws in me as well. i have taken off all the protective walls ive built and that is why i feel so much of pain. Do i regret it? no because that is how true relationships should be. just because im afraid of getting burn doesnt mean i should avoid the fire completely.
it frustrates me sometimes that certain friends dont understand what i try to tell them. in a way, i realised what C actually told me was true, it shows the wisdom C has because of her age. i didnt tell C the latest feelings i have. C doesnt need this extra unnecessary burden and i dont want C to scream at me. sometimes i feel C is able to read my mind without me saying. i value C alot, like family now.
after this exam business i really want to get all this emotions sorted out. i need a retreat for myself. some time off, do things i wanna do, run off for an adventure. i need to recharge myself. i still feel annoyed that my parents hadnt understood my need to recharge myself during the middle of the year. but then whats the use of those frustrations now?
when i write i hear my own thoughts. though its not as good as what i used to be able to write but it helps me vent. its a lot of emo stuff up there. it can only get better now.
one tiny step a day no.
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