My parting writeup

I feel the weight on my shoulders, my hearts heavy with it. 

I am talking about an issue ive kept in the dark for so long. 

Its time to throw away this weight before i embark on another phase of adventure.

Talking it out to my friend, i feel lighter and more free. More importantly, when i talk about it i can hear my own thoughts, feel my own emotions, reflect on it. 

Theres been a good few times since i talk about it. each time after i feel the issue is getting more trivial. I have slowly learnt to see it as a past memory, a memory which i learn to control how my emotions react to it. 

I am talking about my story with X.

In a few more days from now i will start packing my things. Its not the same as before. Its never the same.

i remember walking into this very room without even cleaning it prior because i was busy texting. i remember bringing in limited stuff and that the room echos when i speak. i remember my parents helping me unpack and putting on the grey curtain which is still unwash since it was hung 2 years ago. i remember how resentful i was coming into this state and being here.

I remember the numerous nights i cried in this room, the numerous times the most heartbreaking conversations i had in this room, the few times few friends cry with me in this room, or at least their eyes turned red seeing me cry. I remember the nights in this room where i feel so much pain and it was unbearable that i prayed in this room. I had few conversations with god right here in this room.

And in this room i remembed looking at facebook at the most shockening discovery and burst into tears. I also remember the times i locked myself inside this room, away from people, in the hopes of having some time alone and sulk.

In this room too i found solace in the dhamma talk. It witnessed my anxiousness for many many exams, feel my determination to do well at times. It provided me a comforting bed to rest, to do nothing and a cloud of personal space. In this cubicle i had many many happy conversations filled with laughter. Many awesome experimental dishes were created in this room and it hosted many visits whereby feeding people gave me alot of joy. It witnessed some of the moments i felt i found hope and peace. It witnessed my rise from being an awful driver to a better one. It saw how many words i can churn out, recording my life tale. 

It has been a good stay and i wish that the person after me enjoy this room as much as i do. 

It never occured to me that the most memorable thing on this campus for me turned out to be this room. 

The very day i came back i knew the time will come when i leave this place. The very day i moved in i knew one day i will move out. It seems surreal and it still does seem that way. 

I took for granted those moments i came back. Along the way i wanted to fast forward to the ending. and somewhere nearing the end, i realised that i wanted to prolong this story. 

I understand now the deep meaning of the saying 'this too shall pass'