Today is the last exam in this 5 year period.
It did not end with any victory dance or champagne popping.
I just wanted to go back, collapse and sleep. And that didnt happened as well.
I was the first few candidates this time. which meant i was always the first group to attempt clinical exams. it meant i had to get up early which really isnt a good timing. my brain is fuzzy in the mornings. on nights where i have to sleep early i end up having sleepless nights.
Pre quarantine room has a buzzer. each time it goes off it sets a new wave of tension to those in the room. at the end of 3 buzzers, the usherers will call in a new set of candidates. i look forward to my number being called out each time as waiting for ones turn with the buzzer going off every 10 mins is abit too stressful. if i could read everyones mind it would sound lets just get it done and over with.
the number of people slowly shrank and the stress levels escalates higher and higher. it was at one point where i observed everyone just shut their books and stare into space. a few resorted to discussing with their peers. not many people touched the sandwich given which was just miserable thin spread of jam or mayo or sardin in 2 miserable thin dry looking bread. even i avoided the sandwich.
twice i jumped on my feet when the usherers called my number. and twice too they asked me to sit and that i have 2 mins before i can move. it made me looked like a fool.
my first pitstop was ong lead by an examiner with a weird gait. he was like a hawk, zooming in on every mistake i made during running commentary. its scary to have 4 examiner looking at what u are doing. but i survived though i was very jittery. only the surgeon was trying to help and i was grateful for that. the rest stood quietly, poker face. i stopped looking at any of them except the surgeon.
next stop was a kid lying on the bed. looks normal but abnormal. everything in peads was a disaster. i cannot recall much, stood there fumbling. remember how gordon ramsay always screamed get a grip at the contestants when they are going down? there was no gordon ramsay here, but i was going down. when the bell rang i knew i screwed up.
my last shot was surgery. never had i feel so happy when i saw a thyroid goitre. i thank god that i practiced thyroid often. i managed with a few prompts here and there. it wasnt a straight forward thyroid case, when the surgeon exposed the chest, there stood the mastectomy scar. my god.. i had missed it but now i know its metastasis.
the bell rang for the final time and i was done. i muttered thank you and stood at one corner until the usherers told me i had to get inside the post quarantine room. i feel tired and quite screwed.
post quarantine room is small, stuffy and we were quite packed. every 30 minutes new faces will join the room and its filled with a buzz. everyone wants to know what everyone got. theres a hole up the quarantine room, it was so noisy that the next door could hear us. 3 times examiners told us to keep quiet and obviously no one heeded. the 4th time the examiner came,he was so pissed i could hear the f word. since then, it was deafening silence.
the buzzer was still there, and its the sole reason why i couldnt sleep. i regaled my exam moments to many many people. listened to their exam moments too. i was hungry and drained. i was 1 hour away from my bed in campus, not getting onto the return bus anytime soon.
the moment where we could board the bus was liberation. i slept, woke up and wondered when i slept off. and i was halfway back to campus.
exam is over. now is just results time.
i have tried. now i pray for courage to face the outcome.
5 years of learning has just been completed.
next stop was a kid lying on the bed. looks normal but abnormal. everything in peads was a disaster. i cannot recall much, stood there fumbling. remember how gordon ramsay always screamed get a grip at the contestants when they are going down? there was no gordon ramsay here, but i was going down. when the bell rang i knew i screwed up.
my last shot was surgery. never had i feel so happy when i saw a thyroid goitre. i thank god that i practiced thyroid often. i managed with a few prompts here and there. it wasnt a straight forward thyroid case, when the surgeon exposed the chest, there stood the mastectomy scar. my god.. i had missed it but now i know its metastasis.
the bell rang for the final time and i was done. i muttered thank you and stood at one corner until the usherers told me i had to get inside the post quarantine room. i feel tired and quite screwed.
post quarantine room is small, stuffy and we were quite packed. every 30 minutes new faces will join the room and its filled with a buzz. everyone wants to know what everyone got. theres a hole up the quarantine room, it was so noisy that the next door could hear us. 3 times examiners told us to keep quiet and obviously no one heeded. the 4th time the examiner came,he was so pissed i could hear the f word. since then, it was deafening silence.
the buzzer was still there, and its the sole reason why i couldnt sleep. i regaled my exam moments to many many people. listened to their exam moments too. i was hungry and drained. i was 1 hour away from my bed in campus, not getting onto the return bus anytime soon.
the moment where we could board the bus was liberation. i slept, woke up and wondered when i slept off. and i was halfway back to campus.
exam is over. now is just results time.
i have tried. now i pray for courage to face the outcome.
5 years of learning has just been completed.
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